ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
