pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
