so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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