this beer tastes like vomit already
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
