I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
