just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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