I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
