im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
