He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
