she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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