Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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