so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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