Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
