i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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