You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
