My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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