And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
