Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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