You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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