Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
