If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
