Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
