That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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