dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
