Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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