This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
