What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
