I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
a search helicopter?!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
