his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
