I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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