I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
