it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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