the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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