U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
