Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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