it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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