Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
