remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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