i will never coherently bang her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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