It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
