wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Too much gin, very little bucket
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
