Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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