She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
