Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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