wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
