Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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