I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
