Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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