if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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