I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
