i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
