im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
