I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
