I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
dude. I can hear the air.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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