So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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