even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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