Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
