I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dick very happy bro
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