you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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