And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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