the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize