i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
