I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
