I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
