i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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