Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
