careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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