hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Little spoons don't ask big questions
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
should my penis look like a turkey
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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