It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
