I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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