You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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