BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There r osticjed everywhere
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize