I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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