Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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