I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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