I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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