can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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