I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
