I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
