Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
