Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
