My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize