Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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