forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
