Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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