how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
