I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
