why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
