Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
