i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize