I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm like, not good at living.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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