Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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