I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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