DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
