giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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