cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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