she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize