u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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