Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
