i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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