Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
