If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
