Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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